Mark Malnick claims that Angry Birds was directly responsible for the destruction of his marriage and subsequent loss of custody of his children.
"A friend from work was playing it one day on break. He told me I could download it for free," said Malnick as he ran his fingers across the touch screen of his phone. "Before I knew it, I was slinging birds every chance I got. My wife asked me to stop during dinner one night, and I shouted at her. I'd never so much as raised my voice during our twelve years of marriage before that. I was stuck on this level where you've got to use one of the little yellow birds to demolish the base of the structure to kill all the pigs. They kept oinking at me."
Heidi Turner said she tried to be understanding about her ex-husband's obsession, but could not come to terms with it and had to leave.
"Mark had gone through phases before, with cars, or with golf, but never anything like this," a downcast Turner stated. "It just got worse and worse. He would promise to only play on weekends or after the kids went to bed, but then he'd be in the bathroom for hours and I'd walk by and hear chirping. One night I took his phone after we'd had a big argument about it, and he nearly broke the door off it's hinges. When I told him I had dropped his phone in the toilet, he stormed out of the house, pawned my grandmother's wedding ring and went to the Apple store. Ultimately, I had to do what was best for the children."
Malnick stood firm in his opinion that the game should never have been on the market. "What they did is just really despicable. It grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let go. I used to be different. I used to be a man of integrity, a man who meant the world to his kids. Sure, big tobacco is responsible for thousands of deaths a year, but you don't hear about people missing their kid's only base hit in the little league play-offs to smoke a cigarette," said Malnick.
"I haven't found a lawyer that will take my case yet, but when I do, it's over," said Malnick, not looking up from the 21st level of Angry Birds, Holiday Edition. "Will you look at this? They've got a freaking advent calendar for the thing! I stay up till midnight every night waiting for the next level to come out. What they're doing is worse than genocide."
What I love about this is the denial of self-governance and responsibility. Fuck you creators of Angry Birds, for making your game taste like crack.
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