Thursday, December 23, 2010

Man Arrested for Shoplifting Embarassing Products

Donald Jacobs was arrested Wednesday evening for shoplifting a number of decidedly embarrassing products from Wal-Mart.

Employees said they immediately suspected Jacobs, and surveillance footage confirmed their suspicions.

"I could tell he was up to something," said Marla Brown, a supervisor at the store. "He was anything but a smooth criminal. He had a hat pulled down over his eyes. I noticed him browsing the feminine hygiene products, and there was just something so strange about that."

When Jacobs was stopped by security, he was frisked and found to be harboring a box of Preparation H in his waist line. When they searched his messenger bag, they found a box of condoms, a bottle of KY liquid , a tube of Vagisil, a bottle of Imodium AD, a box of Ex-Lax, a box of tampons, and the bottom of a toilet plunger.

"I was preparing for the worst," said a sheepish Jacobs. "And besides, some of that was for my wife. I mean, what am I going to do with a box of tampons? Give them to my wife, that's what."

Employees said Jacobs was cooperative with security, but that it is Wal-Mart's policy to prosecute shoplifters to the full extent of the law.

"He probably thought he could sneak out of our store with all that stuff, but we're on top of our game here at Wal-Mart. You ain't getting out of my store with so much as a candy bar," said Brown. "If he was so smart he would have just ordered that stuff on the Internet."








Jacobs, thinking long and hard about what he has done.

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